Cal Crutchlow is equally as heroic as Henry IV or Coreowhatsit, so what would Shakespeare have written about him?
MGPN is renowned as one of the most highbrow sites not just on the subject of motorcycle racing, but on the entire internet. Therefore it is no surprise that we are celebrating the 400th anniversary of the publication of Shakespeare’s First Folio.
Four entire centuries of boring schoolkids into a fugue state with a load of nonsensical gibberish that posh people claim to enjoy is no mean feat. As The Bard kicked the bucket some time ago, we have resorted to using the power of A.I. to ask ChatGPT what Shakespeare would have written about ye olde MotoGP racer Cal of Crutchlow.
Fake Shakespeare’s Ode to Cal Crutchlow
[ChatGPT output begins]
Oh woe is me, to hear this tale so sad,
Of Cal Crutchlow, a racer once so glad,
Who on the track did meet his fate so dire,
And paid a price beyond what we’d desire.
For in a moment, swift as lightening’s flash,
His motorcycle crashed with a deafening clash,
And though his courage kept him on the field,
His body would no longer fully yield.
And so it was that doctors took their leave,
To fix what broke, and make him new at eve,
With titanium plates and screws they came,
To replace his bones and spare him greater pain.
Oh cruel misfortune, to befall this man,
And yet he rose again, like phoenix fan,
To race another day, with heart so true,
And show the world what he could still pursue.
So here’s to Cal, with strength that does not wane,
And may he ride again, without disdain,
For though his bones may be of metal made,
His spirit’s one that cannot be waylaid.
[ChatGPT output ends]
How We Did It
When you’re trying to create output from A.I. chatbots, the exact wording of the question you ask it is crucial. In order to create this article, our input to ChatGPT was:
Write a poem in the style of Shakespeare where Cal Crutchlow crashes a motorcycle and has to have his entire skeleton replaced with titanium plates and screws.
Our Verdict
This is by far the most Shakespeare we’ve ever read without falling asleep, so we’re not really qualified to judge how similar this is to the real thing. It seems reasonably accurate, though. If Romeo and Juliet had a few motorcycle crashes it might actually have been interesting.