Freddie Spencer may win the Nobel Prize for Physics after proving the Quantum Multiverse theory. The MotoGP Chief Steward might seem like an unlikely character to be up there with the likes of Einstein, but his green line penalty shenanigans during the British Grand Prix have apparently shown beyond any doubt that there are multiple parallel universes, and that the MotoGP Stewards Panel inhabit a different one to the rest of us.
What happened?
Pecco blatantly violated track limits on the last lap of the race by straying onto the green paint. Replays showed beyond any question that he was off the track. However, the Stewards Panel refused to apply the required penalty of dropping one position on the grounds that the Italian had not violated track limits or touched the green.
Might the Stewards Panel just be telling an obvious lie about this?
Certainly not. They’re race stewards, not the mainstream media!
Isn’t there an automatic system to detect track limits violations?
Yes. When one of the million dollar prototype MotoGP bikes exceeds track limits, it squidges a bit of old garden hose. This triggers an air pressure sensor like the ones in the front Michelin tyres. This system is completely buffoon-proof and above reproach. The sensors can’t be questioned as they are top quality devices that Dorna bought in bulk off eBay from a private seller in Bologna called GigiDesmo8 (who has zero feedback, no other items on sale and doesn’t accept returns).
So the only explanation is that the Stewards Panel exist in a parallel Quantum Universe and are truthfully telling us that in their reality, Pecco didn’t touch the green?
“When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
Sounds familiar. Who said it?
Sherlock Holmes. He’s a fictional character, like Hannah Montana or Max Biaggi.
Why would Freddie Spencer be witnessing a different reality to the rest of us?
Scientists have long known that it was physically impossible for Fast Freddie to win both the 250GP and 500GP titles in the same year. It has been hypothesized that there were two of him existing in parallel universes that somehow became quantum entangled. We most probably got the wrong one back at the end of the 1985 season, which explains both his disastrous loss of form in 1986 and the fact that his race penalty decisions rarely make any sense in our perception except when he’s penalizing Johann Zarco for being French.
Have any other MotoGP stars been nominated for major physics awards?
Yes. Dani Pedrosa nearly won the Nobel Prize too.
Dani proved that Higgs Bosons exist when one of them splattered over his helmet visor, blocking the subatomic Spaniard’s vision and causing him to crash. However, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle holds that scientists can accurately measure either Pedrosa’s lap time or his position, but not both simultaneously. The Nobel Prize committee were therefore unable to verify that he was actually riding the bike at the time and not snoozing in his motorhome using a down quark as a pillow.
What will be the MotoGP implications of Freddie’s multiverse discovery?
With any luck it might be possible to use some kind of Quantum Leap or Back to the Future Part II type of mojo to go back and stop this green track limits cack being invented in the first place.