Winners
Francesco Bagnaia
Great weekend for the Italian. Worrying weekend for us and the rest of the season
Luca Marini
In the sprint race Joan Mir fell off trying to overtake Fabio Quartararararo pushing the Frenchman wider than if he’d spotted someone in an SS uniform. Mir was awarded with a long lap penalty for his clumsy actions with the stewards wanting to set a firm precedent against such incidents…depending on who you are…
Marini, meanwhile in the same race, fell off attempting to pass Enea Bastianini and unlike the Mir incident actually took down his opponent. Enea ended up in hospital and will miss the next few races due to various broken bones yet Luca walked away uninjured. But, thanks to having a really popular half-brother, no penalty was awarded.
In the main event Luca fell off again but, thanks to having a really rich team-owner half-brother, no one questioned his ride.
Portugal Pharmacies
First day at school, sharp gravel, the first treacherous sprint race and overcompensating Honda riders all meant plenty of bandages and antiseptic creams were sold in Portugal over the weekend.
Not a winner, not a loser
Maverick Vinales
Bi-Polar Top Gun star Mav has really come a long way since he was sacked by Yamaha for having an annoying father. In Portugal he was our only hope of stopping another boring Bagnaia win. His simulated race pace was the fastest of any rider and if this was a rally stage he’d have won by a mile.
But he didn’t win. Nor, despite what all the commentators tried to tell us at the time, was he ever going to win. We all knew that deep in our hearts.
Losers
Portugal
It’s not easy being Portuguese. Having to work on a building site every day, dodging the killer jellyfish with the continual threat of being hit on the napper with golf balls from drunken tourists. But at least they have Miguel Oliveira!
Oliveira can be absolutely brilliant or utterly dog shit – and rarely anything in between which makes him great entertainment. Luckily for the ‘poor man’s Spain’ nation Miguel is often brilliant at home at Portimao.
And all the signs were good. Despite switching to a new manufacturer Miguel the Random Number Generator (MRNG) was rolling the dice well and looked on course for a debut podium in the opening sprint race if not for a small last-lap error.
But the main race was where all Portuguese hopes were vested. The opening laps saw Miguel battle for the lead causing the huge, frenzied crowd to drop their salted-cod rations in anticipation.
But Marquez ended that dream on lap four leaving the subdued fans to creep off home back to their construction jobs.
Japan
It’s not easy being Japanese. Four foot tall at best, having to eat raw food with twigs and not being allowed to publicly enjoy yourself means the life of the average Jap isn’t much fun. But at least the Japanese have ‘schoolgirls with neon-octopus’ pornography novels and the fact they build awesome motorcycles…
Forget that last bit. At least they have the weird fetish porn.
The top Japanese finisher in Portugal was the French Fabio Quartararararo on the Yamaha in 8th place. An 8th place that would have been a lot worse without the help of pro-house of the rising son star Marc Marquez.
Honda
Repsol Honda were already looking quite foolish before the season started – what with the Kalex frame and Alberto Puig’s hair not being correctly Photoshopped on the press release photographs.
But it got worse. Mir fell off in the sprint race and was given a long lap penalty for slightly hindering another rider. Then Marc, not wanting to be outdone by the upstart, showed Mir what really hindering riders meant.
In the main race the ex-crash-happy star Alex Rins was the only Honda rider able to squeeze into the top ten…mainly thanks to Marquez hospitalising a disgruntled chunk of the field.