What?
Back in 2004 MotoGP owners Dorna found that a huge sack of oily cash helped convince them that running a race in the Qatar desert was a fantastic idea. Of course it wasn’t. The race was stupidly hot, the track had no soul yet was shaped like a knuckleduster and all the riders hated it. And, unsurprisingly, no fans turned up to watch it. Luckily though the Qatari organisers had a great idea – run the race at night so no one could see the empty grandstands. Sorted.
But money talks so eventually everyone in MotoGP begrudgingly accepted the Qatar race – like having to eat sprouts at Christmas. Thankfully Dorna ensured the Qatar race was the very first round of the season so everyone could get it out of the way and it didn’t spoil the rest of the year thinking they still had to go there.
One pointless race in the desert is roughly one too many. One slippery sack of hefty cash, however, is never enough.
So step forward the fun loving, MotoGP fanatical nation of Saudi Arabia
Why?
This week Dorna announced they’d signed a letter of intent for a future race in Saudi Arabia – a nation steeped in motorcycle history. So what better place?
Obviously having such an event is in no way for the Saudi’s to pretend to the world that they’re a modern awesome country. And they’re not secretly panicking that they’ll be doomed once we all switch from using oil. So don’t think that. Instead believe, if you can, that this idea to race in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia was a direct result of the ‘global fan survey’ where we all must have stated we’d love to see another faceless race in a power-mad country that has no connection with MotoGP at all. It’s what we clearly asked for.
When?
So far it’s not been made clear when the first Saudi MotoGP race will be – as it will almost certainly involve building a new circuit. However it’s safe to presume that already thousands more illegal immigrants from Somalia and Yemen will have been shipped over to start construction – many of whom won’t get seriously injured or killed creating building this dream.
Think a race in Saudi Arabia is a bad idea? Think again! Here’s our top seven awesome reasons why the Kingdom is a splendid place for MotoGP to associate with.
- Executions are on the increase
A great initiative to stop repeat offenders
- Women are widely discriminated against
We all yearn for the life of old when men where men and women knew their place. Thankfully Saudi’s again ahead of the curve by being so far behind it.
- No protests
Protests are banned and doing so will result in imprisonment. This keeps the streets free of annoying woke-folk waving their poorly constructed homemade signs whilst carelessly dropping their quinoa salads and ramen on the pavement.
- Human rights organisations are banned
Again helping to keep the woke population quiet.
- You can be arrested with no good reason
No smoke without fire. And if there is then you shouldn’t be smoking.
- Police use torture
A cheeky bit of subtle torture helps speed up the conviction process and makes anyone in custody admit their crimes more freely – even if they haven’t done it.
- Torture is used as a punishment
Being tortured into admitting a crime is the problem. Being then tortured as the punishment is the solution! The circle of life.