The World Superbike circus headed to Assen in the famously uptight Netherlands, a country best known for convincing idiotic tourists to visit and get stoned enough to think they’re enjoying the most boring, flattest scenery in Europe. Clearly, the race officials had also been partaking in the legalized substances on offer from the nation’s coffee shops.
Assen
This weekend’s action was from the excellent Assen circuit, with its final chicane always providing a bit of fun.
The Action
The most exciting moment came early in race 2 (which is the third race of the meeting, for those of you new to the clown show that is World Supers). Race leader Toprak whatsit ran extremely wide then swerved back onto the racing line, colliding with Johnny Rea. Like the first 5 seconds of Bradley Smith’s race at Le Mans, it all ended in tears. Both of them flew off their bikes and were narrowly missed by the following pack, showing that they are both more talented while sliding along the ground next to their bikes than Bradders is when actually riding his.
We at MGPN pride ourselves on reporting all racing incidents from a strictly neutral viewpoint, and would never come to any controversial conclusions just to annoy anyone.
It was blatantly Toprak’s fault.
If a Supersport 300 rider ran miles wide then shot back onto the racing line without looking, hit someone and left them both on the deck with the field frantically swerving this way and that to miss them, then that rider would get a penalty.
However, the stewards panel, who were watching the race on their laptops in an Amsterdam coffee shop and trying not to drop too many hash brownie crumbs in the keyboards, assigned no blame. There’s a bit of poetic justice to it. Rea probably deserves a bit of a slap down after his childish antics in getting Toprak penalized for touching a stupid bit of green paint that shouldn’t even exist at Magny Cours last year.
If the World Superbike stewards panel investigated the JFK assassination, they’d spend hours poring over footage to make sure that the second gunman didn’t set foot on the green of the grassy knoll. Then they’d announce that no further action would be taken against Lee Harvey Oswald.
The Drama
It wasn’t the hash brownie munching stewards’ only insane decision of the weekend either, as they had already been active in the Superpole race (that’s the 2nd race of the weekend, the first race of the second day. This is different from Superpole, which isn’t a race, and takes place before Race 1, which is the first race of the first day. Hope that clears it up).
Alvaro Bautista was docked a place after barely touching some green paint on the exit of the final chicane. Well, technically not touching at all as his tyre was on the kerb above the green bit. There was no advantage, it wasn’t dangerous, and there’s no sensible reason for that bit of the kerb to be painted green at all. The final chicane at Assen should be a free for all like it always has been. But on planet Stewards Panel the rules are the rules only if they refer to green paint. No green paint? Not our problem. Now pass the bong.
Still, Alvaro left Assen as championship leader after winning Race 2 by a mile. The rest of the field were trailing behind him like his little braided blonde pigtails.
The Usual Suspects
Alex Lowes retired from Race 1 when the bike in front fired a stone into his Kawasaki causing race-ending damage. It robbed the likeable Alex of an opportunity to finish with his usual late race lowside into the gravel.
Garret Gerloff is getting better at hitting people. He rammed Johnny Rea at the hairpin and only succeeded in taking himself out. Rea survived the incident only to get hit by Toprak slightly later on.
Scott Redding battled to an astonishing 5th place, helped by the 2 leaders crashing out and Bassani being docked a place for… GASP… touching the green paint!!!
Next time
It’s a month until the next round at Estoril. Hopefully the stewards have returned to Earth by then.