Winners
Jack Miller
Did anyone think a rider that claimed he needed to ‘dig his way out of the trenches’ would be smart enough to win a race?
After three very poor races Jack decided to remove himself from social media so he could spend less time trying to spell things and more time planning his race-craft. Weirdly it was an idea first suggested by e-adversary Jorge Lorenzo:
Whatever it worked. Having been MIA in all the practice sessions the special GP rider got his blocks inline and from nowhere qualified on the front row much to the shock of everyone. In the race Miller shot off the grid like an Australian from a vegan BBQ and led the race until the favourite Fabio Quartarararo took it away mid-race.
But today wasn’t to be a tricolour day. The rejuvenated Miller retook the lead from Quartararararo after the fleeing Frenchman fell foul of arm pump issues. From there on he led the line.
It was Jack’s first MotoGP victory in the dry and the first since he’d learnt to Velcro fasten his own shoes.
Rossi fans
Before you roll your eyes and move on hear me out.
Firstly, and as much as they’ll never admit it, the melancholy yellow brigade have all surrendered to the fact that their hero has probably had his day. And that day was a lot of days ago. A top 15 position in any session has suddenly become a good result and is followed by thousands of social-media posts claiming they’d like to see anyone else in their 40’s do better.
But thankfully these days it’s not about celebrating the success of the Dentist but instead enjoying the failures of others. And this race gave the blinkered ignoramuses plenty to cheer about:
- Brad Binder fell off twice. (Brad is universally hated for suggesting that Rossi may not win a race again)
- After his impressive return to racing Anti-Christ Marc Marquez seemed more subdued in Jerez as he noticeably struggled with his injuries. Better still he fell off a couple of times but unfortunately wasn’t seriously hurt.
- Alex Marquez fell off too
- Franco Morbidelli was the best Yamaha rider finishing third and everyone knows that Rossi himself taught the young Italian how to ride…therefore the podium should be credited to The Dentist.
- The factory Yamaha riders didn’t win or even manage a top five position. Justification indeed that Yamaha were wrong to dump Rossi.
Francesco Banana
Last season Bagnaia started strongly. But after signing for the factory team mid-season the Italian took some coaching advice from Petrucci and was pretty terrible. It looked as though Ducati had signed yet another dud – a tradition that now has its own plaque with an etched picture Marco Melandri on it.
But that was 2020. This year Franco has been consistently fast and not having off-days or falling off due to mysteriously invisible crisp packets.
Although no wins as yet the Ducati rider has managed three podiums in four races and now leads the world championship.
MotoGPNews
We don’t like to blow our own trumpet about how brilliant we are but remember when Vinales won the opening race? Remember how all the two-bit wannabe journalists claimed it was the ‘new improved’ Vinales and that he was looking like a champion?
We didn’t. We’ve been burnt too many times and refused to join the knee-jerk brigade.
See here: https://motogpnews.com/2021/03/30/winners-losers-qatar-gp/
Losers
Fabio Quartararararao
It was just all going too well for France’s favourite MotoGP rider.
The problem for Fabio stemmed from an inbred French evolutionally trait. After endless generations of conceding a Frenchmen’s arms will automatically raise aloft into the universally accepted ‘I surrender’ pose at least once a week or in any situation where his brain detects bravery or courage is required. Failing to raise the arms causes the bath dodging Europeans to put undue strain on their tricep tendons which eventually leads to chronic fatigue and/or muscle tearing.
Initially the race was looking promising for Fabio. The Frenchman made a poor start but, as he has done in the previous races, he methodically worked his way through the pack to head off in the lead.
But Darwin had other ideas. Not even a toned athlete like Quartarararo can fight evolution and after two brilliant race wins in a row his surrendering arms gave up which left the Yamaha rider in excruciating pain (or ‘modest pain’ for non-French people).
It was all too much and Fabio fell down the order and would eventually finish in 13th – so far back that he was only four seconds in front of Rossi.
Alex Rins
The overshadowed Spaniard was keen this season to prove he’s every bit as fast as his World Champion team-mate Joan ‘I’m as good as Marquez – especially when he’s off injured’ Mir.
Sadly for the second time in as many races Alex has fallen off whilst in a good position.
Brad Binder
Falling off is a bit embarrassing. But falling of twice is more embarrassing than the time Neil Hodgson told the media that he had a ‘three-year plan’ in MotoGP that would result in him being World Champion.
Ralf Schumarquez
Being Marc Marquez’s younger brother means the world naturally expects you to be also at least slightly brilliant. Sadly Ralf isn’t.
Yet again the LCR Honda rider took the ‘Spirit of Crutchlow’ with him and fell off on the opening lap.
Schumarquez has now just managed one 8th place finish in four races and currently has a bruise-to-race ratio higher than Carlos Checa’s personal best.