MotoGPNews has been given inside knowledge that the Just Stop Oil activists are planning a protest at MotoGP’s next event at Silverstone.
So what’s the deal? Let us explain…
Who are they?
Just Stop Oil (JSO) are a group of activists that are trying to decrease the use of oil – along with soap and water if their personal hygiene is anything to go by.
Are they the same people who banged on about BLM?
Yes. But once that became old news and they couldn’t virtue signal from it they all moved to JSO instead.
What do they do now?
JSO is mainly made up of rich white kids who get driven hundreds of miles by their parents in their SUVs to various events and locations to moan about unnecessary oil use. They do this by causing as much annoyance as possible.
So what’s that got to do with MotoGP?
At first JSO concentrated on blocking roads at peak times. However this eventually resulted in irate road users manhandling them despite cries of hate crimes and the media got bored. So a far easier tactic was employed that involved disrupting sporting events by jumping onto the pitch (or track etc) and throwing orange paint or powder around which probably signifies something…but no one really knows what.
So far major sporting events such as tennis, rugby and cricket have been interrupted by JSO along with games that pretend to be sports like snooker.
MotoGPNews has learnt that we’re next! A small group of protesters intend to get their parents to buy them tickets then infiltrate our once great sport. The JSO mob will probably attempt to jump the safety fence and run onto the circuit on the Sunday before or during a race.
(Whether or not a 4 stone, pasty-faced, malnutrition suffering climate change activist can out run a plump marshal in a too-snug fitting safety uniform has yet to be confirmed)
Could this be dangerous for the riders?
Absolutely.
I don’t really care about the activists though. Could they be somehow hit without injuring the rider?
Yes. Obviously if a Yamaha travelling at full speed were to hit a protestor it may cause light bruising at worst but the rider would be fine.
Also if the JSO clowns were to be protesting in a gravel trap there’s a 100% chance they’ll eventually be hit by Darryn Binder’s bike.
Hang on, I’m heading to Silverstone. How do I spot them?
Key traits to look for:
- They will be complaining that there aren’t enough non-gluten vegan foods available.
- They’ll not watch the racing and instead will be checking their likes on Instagram.
- They’ll have annoying haircuts that have been coloured pink or blue poorly at home.
- They’ll smell even worse than the Le Mans spectators.
- They’ll be very ill looking and probably suffering from rickets due to a poor diet.
Can’t we just give them a kicking?
Sadly not. All JSO protesters identify as something stupid and have a multitude of rainbow flags and pronouns in their Instagram bios. This means that firing off a few well-placed haymakers into their unwashed faces would instantly be classed as a hate crime. Hate crimes, along with misgendering, are now the only wrongdoings that the police can arrest someone for.
Why MotoGP? Why not F1?
Firstly if a protestor did throw a load of orange paint around and was then, hopefully, hit and squashed by a car it would be the most exciting thing to happen in F1 in the past decade. Even more exciting than the time something almost happened then didn’t. Such excitement would instantly elevate the race to ‘classic’ status and thus defeat the point of the protest.
The second problem for the protesters is that F1 is governed entirely by money meaning the races are usually held in trans-hating, homophobic Arabic countries. Any ‘just stop oil’ hearsay would be met with an imprisonment and a public lashing so the environmental saving heroes stay clear of the mass-oil producing countries
Do they protest all over the world?
No. The JSO activists tend to avoid the worst polluting countries like China and India in fear of actual retribution. Instead the odorous champions choose safe countries with decent human rights records to highlight their bravery.
These protesters in general seem like a right bunch of annoying blockheads. Are they?
Yes.
Can you give me an example of such blockheadedness?
Of course! In a backwards act of intense stupidity climate change activists delayed the start of this year’s Formula E race in Berlin. The very same Formula E that was designed to highlight the dangers of climate change and deliver to us an alternative form of motorsport that’s kinder to the planet.
Such imbecility is on par with protesting outside Bradley Smith’s house about the chrome shortage because of his trophy collection.
Is there a video on the internet of a legendary scooter rider smashing through a Just Stop Oil banner?
Yes.