This time our 1 on 1 Smackdown compares future and present KTM riders Jack Miller and Miguel Oliveira in Germany at the Sausagering, or Dachshundring as the locals call it.
The Dachshundring
The East German track, known in English as the Sausagering, is tight and nadgery. It consists of approximately 17,000 left hand corners and 3 right hand corners. On race day it was hotter than Aleix’s wife, making the track as slippery as a Stewards Panel excuse for not penalizing Taka Nakagami.
The Race
Jack Miller had one of his most impressive and mature races ever. After taking a long lap penalty for crashing under yellow flags earlier in the weekend, he battled back to an excellent 3rd place.
Miguel Oliveira finished 9th place for the 3rd race in a row (random number generators will occasionally do this), being beaten by his team-mate Brad Binder for the 8th time out of 10 this year.
Relationships
Jackass Miller has revealed that he is engaged to his fiancée Ruby Mau. Nothing much is known about her except that she is a stunning blonde aged about 25. We wish them all the best for their marriage.
Miguel Oliveira got married to his childhood sweetheart Andreia in 2020. That is to say, his step-sister Andreia. She’s the daughter of his father’s second wife. Although they were raised as siblings in the same household, Miguel and Andreia are not blood relatives, so it’s all good. There’s no need to raise your eyebrows about Miguel marrying his sister. It’s perfectly legal. We at MGPN wish the Oliveiras a long and prosperous marriage too.
Intelligence
Jack Miller stopped going to school when he was 14 years old. (Hell, who wouldn’t if they got the chance? Most teachers are A-holes anyway).
What Jack lacks in… uh… “formal education”… he makes up for in personality. Although he was an arrogant little so and so when he first arrived in MotoGP, he has matured into a likeable and popular lad.
Such as after the race at the Dachsundring when he went to the trouble of giving his gloves to the bloke who had been holding up a sign asking for the gloves earlier in the weekend. (Next weekend at Assen, look out for all the signs asking for a dirty weekend in Amsterdam with his fiancée…)
Miguel Oliveira is a ferociously intelligent bloke with a university education. Back in his Moto2 days, Miguel was team-mate to Danny Kent, who makes Jack Miller look like Sir Isaac Newton. This is almost certainly the largest IQ gap between team-mates in the history of motorcycle racing, as Kent’s intelligence quotient is believed to be in single figures.
Compatibility with Brad Binder
The Aussie Jack Miller seems to be a great match with his South African future team mate. Both Southern Hemisphere nationalities love barbecues, and apart from eating food that is dangerously raw on the inside and burned to carbon on the outside, what else really matters?
South Africans have two main rules:
- If it moves, shoot it and barbecue it.
- If it doesn’t move, shoot it just in case.
This tallies well with the 2 main Australian rules.
- If it moves, ban it from leaving the country.
- If it doesn’t move, force it to wear a useless facemask and place it under house arrest.
It’s not clear whether the South African rules really mix with the Portuguese rules.
- Marry your sister if you want.
- Seriously, it’s fine to marry your sister in Portugal.
The Future
These two riders are linked because Oliveira is being booted out of the factory KTM squad and Jackass is being hired as his replacement.
Miguel’s manager (who is both his father and father-in-law) had a huge argument with KTM boss Pit Beirer because ze German didn’t want to offer the Portuguese rider a ton of money to keep his moaning fizzog around the place. Oliveira senior pointed angrily at Miguel’s 4 wins for the KTM squad, while keeping his thumb over the 39 finishes outside the top 10.
Jack’s manager (close KTM ally Aki Ajo) pointed out that KTM would be better hiring a popular and easy-going Aussie instead of some moody Portugee who is constantly moaning and finishing 9th. Beirer agreed and Jack was hired on a 2 year contract. It’s his first ever 2 year contract as he didn’t learn to count up to 2 until earlier this year.
Miguel was offered a Tech 3 KTM seat but refused, and is probably going to be riding a satellite Aprilia next year.