We at MGPN have the courage of our convictions, so we’ve decided to outline our predictions of what will happen in the 2022 MotoGP season. All of these things are 100% guaranteed to happen, so we will put them out there and at the end of the season we’ll gloat about our amazing predictive abilities.
Predictions:
Vale and Uccio to have a big bust-up
The GOAT doesn’t realize how annoying Uccio is, because for the last two decades he’s always been out on track while his tubby pal was gesticulating in the garage in between slices of pizza. This season, Valentino will actually have to spend races in the same room as Uccio, and this will lead to a big argument. They’ll make up afterwards, though.
Jackass Miller to deck another rider
The crocodile-wrestling larrikin has been increasingly annoyed in the last couple of years because lesser riders keep ramming him. He got especially angry last year as he was battling for victories and podiums. This year he will finally snap and punch someone.
Darryn Binder to take out at least 3 riders in one go
Nobody can understand why the younger Binder brother has been promoted to MotoGP. He’s not that talented, and if he’s a menace on 50bhp Moto3 bikes he’s going to be like Hannibal Lecter on a 300bhp MotoGP machine. This year he will attempt an idiotic overtake from about 100 metres back and take at least 3 other riders into the gravel trap with him.
Alterations to the Red Donkey ring to be boring and stupid
Turn 3 in Austria caused more sudden heart attacks in 2021 than, well… y’know… The clots who designed this part of the track have been proven to be bad news. We don’t want any more shots of bikes flying towards other riders this year. Theoretically the new variant of the circuit will boost safety levels, and its supporters will likely massage the statistics to prove their point, but in reality the latest changes will just make a boring and stupid section of track.
Marc Marquez to hurt himself yet again
The Catalan Cannonball has won 8 world championships by falling off constantly and never hurting himself all that badly. In the last couple of years, this has changed. Now he requires orthopaedic surgery whenever the wind changes direction or one of his pet dachshunds sneezes. In 2022 he will miss more races due to another ridiculous injury.
Pecco Bananas to win the world title
The most talented of Rossi’s proteges had a stunning end to the 2021 season. Ducati are throwing huge sums of money at the 2022 title, especially since there’s a real chance of an Italian champ on an Italian bike. Pecco will be the 2022 MotoGP World Champion.