When MotoGP arrived in Silverstone, the former wartime airfield was overrun with Valeban extremists and there were no Yanks in sight. How did the competitors fare as they tried to flee the grid and take refuge on the top step of the podium? Find out as we rate the riders.
Top ten riders rated out of ten:
Fabio Quartarararo – 10 out of 10
It was a flawless performance from Fabio as he continued his quest to be the first MotoGP alien to identify as a Frenchman. After starting the season in front of empty stands, it must have been a relief to be surrounded by hordes of people wearing yellow and shouting. If there had been riot police brutally assaulting them, it would’ve felt like he was back home in France.
Alex Rins – 9 out of 10
Normally Rins would be in about 10th place and being humiliated by his team mate, so it was a surprise to see him on the podium. (I even had to double check to make sure he really wasn’t the one that won the title last year). Even more impressive since Suzuki removed the pole squat device from their bikes for further development.
Aleix Asparagus – 9 out of 10
The elder Asparagus brother was always quick on his day, but he stunned the world by putting an Aprilia on the podium. It could be that the Aprilia is quick around Silverstone because it’s a fast, flowing circuit with very few hard acceleration or braking points. Or, more likely, it’s because Silverstone is a former airfield and the Aprilia looks like it bit a chunk off someone’s Cessna and is running around with it in its mouth.
Jackass Miller – 8 out of 10
Had a lot of ground to make up from the start and overtook a load of people to get near the front. Got his butt kicked by Aleix on the last lap to lose out on a podium, though.
Pol Asparagus – 8 out of 10
After a surprise pole position, Pol positioned himself at the front of the race until Quartarararo appeared, then disappeared. Finished up 5th, by far the best performance on a Honda by the younger Asparagus brother.
Brad Binder – 7 out of 10
His qualifying sucked so he started way back in 12th, but battled impressively through the field to finish in 6th place.
Iker Lecuona – 8 out of 10
The rookie came from an atrocious qualifying position right at the back and did incredibly well to fight through to 7th. Tech 3 KTM may have been a tad hasty in sacking him.
Alex Marquez – 7 out of 10
Yet another bad qualifier who did well in the race.
Joan Mir – 5 out of 10
Tyre problems relegated him to 9th. This was the highest finish of the various riders who claimed that issues with the shoddily-constructed French rubbers led to annoying little problems.
Danilo Petrucci – 6 out of 10
The gargantuan Italian managed a rare top ten finish, but struggled to go any higher as he creates such a big slipstream that he may as well chuck following riders a tow rope.
Selected other riders:
Johann Zarco – 4 out of 10
Missing, believed to have finished 11th.
Pecco Bananas – 3 out of 10
Had a good old Italian arm-waving session as he ranted about the useless Michelin tyres, claiming that he lost 3 seconds a lap. This 14th placed finish doesn’t do much for his championship challenge, but he should arguably shut up until he’s won some MotoGP races and actually deserves a championship challenge.
Cal Crutchlow – 4 out of 10
Incredibly, Cal was the second placed Yamaha in 17th place! Claimed he got some good information about the bike, such as how fast it would’ve gone if some random Japanese test rider was on it.
Marc Marquez – 1 out of 10
Basically acted like a SuperSport 300 rider given a dodgy wildcard in his home MotoGP round. Flat-out torpedoed the unfortunate Jorge Martin just a few corners into the race, causing them both to DNF. It was one of the most idiotic moves of Marquez’s stellar but crash-tainted career. This delighted the wearers of yellow #46 T-shirts in the crowd, who only know 3 things about MotoGP: Rossi’s favourite colour, Rossi’s race number, and which rider was 100% responsible for the legendary Rossi-Marquez collision at Sepang some years back. (Trying to explain to a Rossi Muppet that Silverstone’s Vale corner is neither named after nor pronounced like their hero would be like re-enacting the “goes to 11” scene from Spinal Tap).
Valentino Rossi – 5 out of 10
Another rider who faded away from a decent start then complained about the tyres, but in a far more subtle way than his young protege Pecco Bananas. Finished 18th, which was second last. Gets extra points for the interesting pre-race feature he did with Suzi Perry where he said it would take 20 or 30 years before he’s on speaking terms with Marc Marquez, which was music to the ears of his yellow-mongering followers.