How did the MotoGP riders fare at the Sausagering, or Dachsundring as they say in German? We rate the riders on their performances at the sausage dog circuit.
Top 10 Riders Rated out of 10:
Marc Marquez – 10 out of 10
For the last year and a half, Marc Marquez has spent less time on the podium than Swedish doom goblin Greta Thunberg has spent in the classroom. But the short, twisty Dachshundring, named after the short, funny-looking mutt is ideally suited to the short, mangled-armed Catalan octochampion. It combines 2.5 times as many left turns as a NASCAR track with just 3 right-handers, and Marquez was unbeatable around here before his arm fell off. Helped by a sprinkle of rain, little #93 destroyed the field for an incredible comeback that was predicted by almost nobody.
Miguel Oliveira – 9 out of 10
Probably would’ve beaten Marquez if it hadn’t been for that pesky watering can worth of rain falling on the track. After an awful start to the season, the talented Portugee is on a roll.
Fabio Quartararararo – 8 out of 10
Battled back to the podium after dropping down early on. Still heading for a championship, which would be the first time a Frenchman wins anything interesting.
Brad Binder – 8 out of 10
Frustrated by the lack of endangered species within shooting distance and running low on biltong, the young South African grabbed an impressive 4th place instead.
Pecco Bananas – 8 out of 10
Terrible qualifying, bad start, then a brilliant race. An idiotic strategy, but it was fun to watch.
Jackass Miller – 6 out of 10
Solid race, but when people tried to overtake he was as helpless as the Australian government in the face of Chinese aggression.
Aleix Asparagus – 8 out of 10
Held off most of the field for a long time on an Aprilia as pathetic and gutless as a non-Texan politician.
Johann Zarco – 6 out of 10
Mediocre result for the championship challenger. Must come out of his snail shell.
Joan Mir – 5 out of 10
The Suzuki is supposed to be good around twisty, nadgery tracks. Not with Mir on it, it isn’t.
Pol Asparagus – 5 out of 10
Hammered by his crocked team-mate. Probably made some excuses, but I wasn’t paying attention.
Selected other riders:
Jorge Martin – 6 out of 10
Top rookie, and a decent result given that he’s still recovering from injury.
Valentino Rossi – 4 out of 10
Scored points and didn’t end up with a Bradley Smith style walk of shame through a gravel trap, which is pretty much a win by #46 standards in 2021.
Maverick Vinales – 2 out of 10
Baffled by all the left turns as this track is more Days of Thunder than Top Gun.
Lorenzo Savadori – 0.2 out of 1.0
Crashed. Not sure when, exactly. Nobody seemed to notice.