Random rookie Jorge Martin will miss the next two races due to injury and will be replaced by the loveable gargoyle Tito Rabat.
Martin, who’s first name is Jorge so is already confusing me, violently crashed his Primark Ducati last week in FP3 at Portimao. Jorge suffered multiple fractures, chorizo bruisage and a heavy knock to the noggin in the spill and was taken the local hospital and immediately sedated using jellyfish venom. Such was the severity of Jorge’s concussion that eyewitnesses claimed the dazed Spanish rider knowingly tried ordering a vegan option from the hospital menu. These worrying actions forced the doctors to rule him out of riding for the following weeks whilst further tests could be conducted.
With Martin out for the at least the following two races Primark Ducati were forced to dip into their limited budget to find an available rider from the limited pool of available riders. In the end Tito Rabat was chosen over Bradley Smith and the night janitor who, despite being their first choice, was unavailable to commit as he was 60% sure he had a christening to attend to.
To his credit Tito, who was voted the rider most likely to crop up in a Lord of the Rings film, has three years’ experience of riding the Ducati in MotoGP from 2017 to 2020. In that time the adorable hobgoblin managed absolutely nothing of interest on track so should come as a welcome relief to the Primark team compared to Martin’s up-and-down form.
Jorge Martin vs Rossi fans
The yellow army were up and cheering last weekend upon learning that Martin had been substantially injured in a crash. Earlier in the month the Ducati rider was being interviewed by ex-GP laughingstock Jorge Lorenzo and stated that Valentino Rossi was his childhood hero but now he thought he was a bit of washed-up loser who’d never win another race. Or words to that affect.
This infuriated the easily infuriated yellow army who were desperate to use deflection as a means of overlooking their hero’s woeful start to the season.
“Of course Vale was his hero growing up” explained one angry fan. “He was everyone’s idol – including his own. That’s why he’s the greatest GOAT of all time. However Martin should keep his mouth shut when talking about Vale not winning. How many races has he won? How many stickers has he got? How many t-shirts has he sold? Zero. And that’s why he fell off.”
Jorge Martin has now been added onto the ever-expanding prestige list of current MotoGP riders who the Rossi fans hate. The list includes:
Johann Zarco
In his rookie season in 2017, way back before his comedy depression, Johann Zarco was the new upstart in MotoGP despite his dated haircut. In Austin Zarco enraged the Yellow supporters by pulling off a great pass on ‘the Dentist’ who was caught napping. Afterwards Rossi claimed the move was dangerous and that ‘this isn’t Moto2’. It didn’t take long for his loyal fans to become furious too with Zarco claiming he should be banned and possibly punched up the bracket.Maverick Viñales
As soon as Maverick moved to Yamaha in 2017 he rattled the Rossi fanclub by showing good pace compared to his teammate. Maverick won three of the first five races and was leading the championship and crucially comfortably outpacing the more experienced Rossi. This lead to Valentino insisting Yamaha to change the bike to suit his style more but would trigger a widespread mass downturn in performance for the team. Ultimately Yamaha suffered their longest winless GP streak in their noodle-soaked history not ended until Vinales won the Australian GP over 18 months later.But Rossi fans don’t forget. And they certainly don’t remember the facts either. Instead the yellow army went on the warpath claiming that Vinales didn’t know how to develop a bike and that he chose the wrong engine spec in pre-season testing all of which ended up making Rossi look a chump. The furious fans claimed Vinales should be banned and possibly garrotted.
Aleix Espargaro
In 2016 at the San Marino GP the older Asparagus brother held up Rossi in in FP2 resulting in the aging Yamaha rider giving him the middle finger. The Yellow army were furious with Aleix claiming he should be banned and possibly taken off any future vaccination lists.Brad Binder
This year at the opening race of the season the South African wild-game shooter Brad Binder upset the Dentist with his aggressive riding style and weird accent. Rossi claimed that Binder didn’t have the ‘same respect’ on track as others do. Brad responded to this by claiming the Italian was ‘a bit sensitive’. The Yellow army were furious with Binder claiming he should be banned and possibly hung.Pol Espargaro
As brother of Aleix Pol is also hated by the Rossi fans by proxy. Furious…shot…etc..Marc Marquez
Rossi and Marquez have had more violent punch-ups than Johnny Depp and Amber Heard…usually with the Spaniard coming out on top. This, and the fact that Marc still looks on course to beat all of their idol’s records, means he’s number one on the hatred list with every single yellow fan claiming Marc’s too aggressive and should be banned and definitely beaten with sticks.Alex Marquez
As brother of the dirty cheating Marc poor Alex was guilty before he even started. The yellow minions claim Alex should have pushed Marc down the stairs to damage his spine when a child and thus stopping him ruining MotoGP and therefore should be banned and possibly kicked in the neck.